Updates

Im back, no jams on Christmas.
Im sad, not mainly because she's gone so it makes me feel worse.
Im kinda happy, or glad, for the people I know. I hope they'd stay.

Im still good, overall.
See everyone next year.
Cause I'll most prolly stay at home till then.

life's complicated

when I have to be mindful of what I say to some people

• because my intentions may be distorted
• because some people just have problems with the things I say and do
• because some people are just twisted by default

when there are things that I wanna do but cannot

• because there's no ctrl + z in reality
• because certain scars can never be healed, cracks never fully mended
• because I cannot take back the things I say

when I wonder if I've really found you, when I think I have
when I think all above points are just excuses and I should just do what I feel like doing
Either way, my life has been interesting and fun. I guess I know why its fun.
Cause its complicated.
((=

high 翻天

一顆心噗通噗通地狂跳 一瞬間煩惱煩惱煩惱全忘掉
我再也不要 再也不要 委屈自己一秒
一顆心噗通噗通地狂跳 一瞬間煩惱煩惱煩惱全忘掉
我甩掉地球 地球甩掉 只要越跳越高

A Tough One

The most difficult question of all acadamic time.

"So, what have you learnt?"

DDDDD:

Wedding Dress

You, who never understood my feelings
Because of that, I ended up despising you
Then I wished a misfortune upon you
But now, my eyes are dry
I try to talk to you but I realized that I’m alone
Every night, I would look back and think
If I already knew the results
Then I close my eyes
Then I dream an endless dream
Then I pray she would leave his side.

Baby, please don’t hold those hands
Cuz you should be my lady
Please look at me, I’ve been waiting all this time.

xD

im feeling so happy now i think i can take on the world!! being temperamental is just another cancerian thing you know.. but i guess to a certain extent, life is fair after all.. it wouldnt have happened if i went shopping, or somewhere else other than home!

i know its childish, but im childish luh so.. xDD

this is last night's dinner. tonight'll be better, i think.. cause its salty, lotus soup, and lotus soup only.. its boiling behind me, waiting for me to slurp it all up.. im looking forward to tomorrow's lunch..

met up with sharon in the morning ((=

Confession.

Oh well, its the affairs-of-the-heart month.

For some weird twist of fate, I have been kinda asked, or have been touching on topics like that pretty often recently.. I have no idea why but then things just slipped out of my mouth, and I felt pretty good. I'm starting to like myself and im not really trying to get people to like me, most of them that is.. I just wanna be myself, and its too bad that you dont like me.. Hopefully you dont belong to those i like else i ll be very sad though, haha.. Life's complicated yes..

Anyways, my mood hasnt been very good recently.. No thanks to me being too sensitive and no thanks to my diet menu.. Yea I know, there're all troubles I bought to myself, but I just cant help it for being sensitive whatever my problem is.. I think its the cancerian thing xD As for my menu, it isnt so bad actually since I'm still eating normal lunch, but things get worse at night though.. Cause I never really liked sweet meals, and there're no salty fruits so its just very bad!

The worse of all things is that I've only started like on Monday and I'm already here complaining so I wonder how long it'll last.. And how bad it'll be if I cut down on my lunch too.. Baaaaah~

"A happy person is not a person in a certain set of circumstances, but rather a person with a certain set of attitudes. ~Hugh Downs" I'm complaining, but I know I'll be happy in the long run.. I'll wait, I'll wait for someone who knows all about me and still stays with me.. I'll wait for you even though I know you'll never come.

It's all about Family

Another 6000 words this time ((=

Like a tattoo

Some impressions just do not fade away simply because you havent seen that person for very long. Maybe its just me being too skeptical, but I just cannot seem to forget all the bad things. Applies to all. If only we can forget all the bad things, we would all have been happier, no?

Yet again, there're some things I do not want to forget because if they're forgotten, they would be forgiven. I will never forgive anyone who hurt that person.

Fuck off.

I just spoke 6000 words.
((=

just for fun

ok i know the layout is not very nice.. but thank god the person inside the photo is good looking enough to cover up.. whew~

shopping

shopping day = feeling rich day = no money at the end of the day

i'm happy still lol

1. Despite the rain and thunder earlier in the day we got to cycle.. whew~

2. Its been decided that I'll either get a Samsung Omnia II or Samsung Jet.. Yup, dont wanna spend too much time dwelling on this already..

3. Lastly, I have no idea what to do anymore.. I'm out of ideas, out of energy, out of everything.. I guess they are pretty much redundant in the first place.. I'm done with you and the guessing games..

I wish you all the best.

Finally DONE!

The exams are over
Hopefully I don't have to retake any modules
Its not only about the time, its also about the money -,-
Anyways, if I'm able to get through
Modules I'll be taking next sem:
Some stats module,
Some human development psych,
Sociology
And most importantly, FORENSIC PSYCH!
Looking forward to my next semester
((=

I don't know why
But you're getting nowhere outta my mind
And nowhere near me
x,x

Rebounding

I'm having this rebound effect
Studied too much during the studying week
Don't feel like studying at all just the day before the exam
Think I'm really drained
So much so that I cannot understand the things people tell me
Super blurish looking

Its ending soon though
Ending soon...

Barbie
A plastic blonde doll; victim of decapitation; supermodel body; a symbol of bimboism
(Urban Dictionary)

Disappear from my mind
please..

iPhone

I want a white iPhone
But there isnt any for sale
Otherwise, recommend me some other phone
All I ask for it to have is a nice design and WiFi
Preferably white in colour
Thats all.
x,x

I like you
You know?
((=

things havent been going well. being caught between 2 things and doing either doesnt really make me happy. to top it off, it had to be stupid mistakes i made in the past that resulted in all these events that are happening..

im so sorry, if only there re things i can do to make up i would.
im really sorry..

my heart is made of flesh, really.

Random laugh

Found this in FB that is damn funny!

Go to and http://www.urbandictionary.com/
Type in your answer to each question in the search box
Write the first definition it gives you
Or the one that suits you
Or the funniest one

1. Your Name: Joyce
A Really sweet girl who is perfect for Someone, period.
[Ziqian isn't defined, yet ))=]

2. Age: 20
the number before 21 and after 19. generally used when counting.

3. One of your friends? Vina
the best looking girl that could possibly be alive today; the cutest girl in high school or maybe the world !!!; a good friend; an outgoing girl; a kool girl
[Okay, ying chee, zhangmin and jesslin are not defined yet. Then, Vina came to my mind xD]

4. What should you be doing: Studying
A blend of the words "student" and "dying," used to convey the slow and painful methods schools use to corrupt the youth into socio-economic puppets.

5. Favorite color: White
Contrary to popular belief the word "white" is not a racial comment or slur.

6. Favorite number: 7
The fiercest digit known to man.
[Cause 7 8 9 -,-]
7 ate 9 for those who still cannot understand HAHAHA!

7. Month of your birthday: July
A month when mostly the hottest girls are born.
[Apparently it applies to men as well]

8. Last person you talked to? Mum
A word americans don't know how to spell.
[They usually spell it as 'Mom']

9. One of your nicknames? Dinosaur
Really big bloody reptile thing that used to live a long long time ago and they ate eachother and said "rawr!". Sometimes there were boring dinosaurs that were small and/or ate plants because they sucked. However some of them could fly and stuff, which was awesome. They also said "rawr".
[Nah, I use ROAR!]

Other words I tried out:
Psychology
It's an interesting class to take for a semester, but anyone that majors in it is really just trying to figure themselves out. All the people with psych degrees are usually the most messed up, they think the more they learn the more they might figure out their own problems. Then they graduate, and tell other people whats wrong with them...it's healthy, I swear

Psychologist
A certified and trained prostitute of the mind, who naturally charges for his/her services by the hour.
[Example given: Sigmund Freud]

Love
Nature's way of tricking people into reproducing.
[The first one was too lengthy, type it out and read it yourself there lol]

Okay this is more than enough
I should be really studying lolol
Cause I wanna play on friday ((=

想爱却不敢爱

Wish-List

There're so many things I wanna do:

- Dye my hair.
colour faded, hair grown
- Get a motorbike license.
for fun, but my mum's totally discouraging me
- Do my own blogskin.
rid some dust, there's a need to revise!
- Buy new stuff to wear.
clothes (the forever), jacket, slippers
- Go overseas on a holiday.
anywhere will do, its the company that matters xD

the never-ending wants..
I'm addicted to the chasing rather than winning

when you're not around

They say that no one in this world is indispensable.
If you're gone, someone else will replace you.
They will do the things you usually do.
The world will still continue making its rounds.
The sun rise and fall.
The rain still falls, water still flows.

But I will say that in this world, you're my one and only.
If you're gone, no one else will be able to replace you in my heart.
No one will be able to do the things you usually do for me.
My world will stop.
My sun never rise.
And the only thing left falling and flowing will be my tears.

Fluctuations of my mood.
Get used to it already ((=

Everything's wrong!!

WTHF IS WRONG WITH EVERYBODY HUH??

Shit

I totally lost myself today
Shan't go into the details
Else everyone will think I'm very bad.. Lol
I feel very bad though, very very bad
Adding to the amount of stress/urgency I'm feeling
This totally sucks..

Anyways, I'm planning for a change
First step will be to save money
Hopefully the first step will succeed
Else later steps will never happen..
Gaaaah~

Sorry doesn't mean anything even when you're feeling sorry
Oh fuck..

The Mum Song

Koped from Chii Hian blog
God dang funny!!
Made my stressed up and boring chiong-ing night abieet less stressful..
Lol ((=

Nope I cannot rewind
I can only reminisce

Not at my Best

Oh shuddap..
I'm just jealous
Its the sin I commit the god damn most (>.x)

Yesterday, love was such an easy game to play
Now I need a place to hide away
Oh I believe in yesterday

I heart.

((=

Because someday, you might say yes.
And I don't want to miss it.
(Koped from Chii Hian xD)

What's the problem with you?

I have no idea.
The interface I'm typing in now is ridiculous.
Something's wrong with blogger.
Something's wrong with me too.
I have been contradicting with myself for so long,
I have no idea where I stand now.
Seriously.
Maybe I try too hard to make myself look good.
As in, character.
I'm good looking.

Thought I took the step to change.
Only to realise that what I've changed is only the surface,
Which is lacking in support from underneath.
Its breaking apart.
))=

Lousy Grades )=

(by loads of love from the pretty girl in photo)

Oh wells, despite the title, my week's been cool.
I'll open up the comment for uhh, people to comment..?
Its been 3 days since I last had a proper sleep.
And haven't been sleeping for the past 40 hours.
Bloody pimples' been popping out of my face here and there.
Urgghh!

Life hasn't been this happy.
But maybe there are still things I cannot let go.
)=

Hello August

This is evidence showing that I have been studying.
My drawing suck so much that I amuse even myself.
lololol

Problems we're so used to,
we began to think there isn't any.

=/=

I'm not rich,
But it doesn't mean that I'm poor.

I'm not attached,
But it doesn't mean that I'm not loved.

I'm not perfect,
But it doesn't mean that I'm no good.

Guess what?
I totally love myself.
And you, you, you, you, you, you, you and a lot of yous.
((=

I'm evilly sweet.

I AM SO DAMN DUMB SRSLY!!!

WHY?? WHY DID I CHOOSE TO TAKE IT UP??
NOW I CANNOT JUST LET GO LIKE THAT!!!
WHY?? WHY DID I CHOOSE TO TAKE IT UP??
NOW I HAVE TO SPEND SO MUCH TIME AND MONEY TRAVELING
JUST TO GET THE FEW PATHETIC BUCKS!!
I HOPE THAT THEY LL JUST DISLIKE ME THEN DISCARD ME AWAY!!
PLEASE HATE ME!!
WHY WAS I SO STUPID??
WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY??
TIME IS PRECIOUS, AND I'M WASTING IT LIKE NOBODY'S BUSINESS!!!
WTF IS WRONG WITH ME??
WHY WAS I SOOO STUPID??
ROOOOOOOOOOOARR!!!!
DAMMIT DAMMIT DAMMIT DAMMIT DAMMIT DAMMIT DAMMIT DAMMIT!!!!
OK I THINK I'M FEELING BETTER!!!
OR MAYBE I'M JUST PSYCHO-ING MYSELF!!
WHATEVER!!!

Memory Box

I have this box that I keep all the letters/notes I receive
I kinda go through it every time I pack my stuff
And the trend I found is that, they're all very old
Yellowish-torn-and-tattered-here-and-there letters
The oldest one I think goes back to 2001
It means that nowadays, I don't really receive any handwritten letters
Its a pity..

Talking bout those letters, there's one I wanna post:
------------------------------------------------------
Dear Joyce,
Although we don't have small talk together,
You've always been a good student,
Trying your best to achieve the results that you want.
Continue to work hard and be successful in whatever you do.
Good luck!

Ms Tan SA
29//08/05
------------------------------------------------------

I cannot remember who exactly is this person
Or why did I keep this note that she wrote me
But reading it now makes me feel a little more motivated
So I was a good student who tries my best to achieve results that I want eh
I wasn't really one when I was in poly =x
I don't remember seeing this note the last few times I shuffled through the box
It came out now as though its trying to tell me something
Haha, okay, I'm thinking too much into it
But I'm glad I kept it (=

If I could rewind my own life
I guess I would most probably walk down the same path
Just maybe with a little more sociable attitude
(=

P.S - The latest Jonas Brothers album, 'Lines, Vines and Trying Times' is pretty good. Don't ask me to share though =P

Happy Birthday To Me

Thanks all those for remembering my birthday.
Thanks all those who came and wished me happy birthday.
Thank you:
Lovely stars & Poly men
Lovely cousins
Lovely Uni mates
Lovely random people
(Sorry for not naming everyone out kay..)

The thing about random people is that even though they're random,
They come and wish you happy birthday.
Cause I don't usually do that so.. Hehe
Random people are cool kay!!

Maybe my birthday resolution should be to stop being so freaking sensitive
Getting irritated over little things..
Although it may be a good thing to be happy over little things..
But looking into little things makes it so tiring..
Little little things..

Anyways, I've moved back..
So it means I have to travel 1.5hr to school starting from next week
The bad thing about moving back is not only this..
Its just complicated.. Zzzzz
Although Ima typical Cancerian who loves to be home,
But not this time round..

For school, its the end of the 2nd week
I haven't really started mugging, although I should
But its so sad to be mugging on my birthday
So I'll start tomorrow instead (=
Really glad that I'm happy to be schooling
All thanks to my lovely girls

I hope I haven't done anything terribly wrong
It puts me in a terrible dilemma
Or maybe I'm just thinking too much into it
-,-

The End of First Week!

Like, CAN YOU BELIEVE IT??
I was like having nothing to do at all moments ago
And now, the first week of school is over.
But even though it's only the first week
I feel like I should be opening my very expensive textbooks,
And start studying already..
But oh wells, I managed to get to know a whole bunch of new people,
Which was plenty cool..

But even so, I'm feeling very wtf right now.
Don't know, maybe its because of the difference in the expectation and outcome,
That is resulting in the huge gap called disappointment.
I must have been a very evil and rotten person my past life or something.
That's why its coming back to eat me now.
Or maybe its because I expected too much,
So that's why I feel so wtf.
Yea, maybe a sms was too much to ask for after all.
Not everyone's as free as me you see.
Must be!

Reminds me bout the self-perception questionnaire done yesterday.
If I had done it now or later,
I would have chosen a whole new set of different answers, lol..

You either bend or break yourself to fit in their space.

And I thought I was already on firm ground.
Only realized I was still on cloud nine after I fell.
The most wtf thing is..
All the good looking people are already attached..
天理何在？！！

My girlfriend lives in the club

Happy Father's Day

Woops, it has got nothing to do with me.

Your face is blur in my thoughts.

Beat 'round the Bush

I'll just say things plainly.
I think the graduation ceremony was just for experience.
'cause either way, I'm starting school next month.
'cause either way, we'll all say goodbye.

I've got a friend who's so in love.
Her sweetness turned sour right under my nose.
Bad friend!

As We Go On

Was out with my primary school friends yesterday.
About 20 or so turned up for the dinner.
How amazing!
After 7 or 8 years.
Although we have gathering almost every year.
But I kinda forgot when was the last time I met with them.
So it must have been pretty long.
Still, I got to see many of them.
Although there are a few who no one has any idea what happened to them.
But yes, I still recognise all of them.
Their names at least.

Our form teacher came too.
The classic thing was.
He came, sat down, took out a stack of paper, and started taking attendance.
The paper was like a form we filled in, if I didn't remember wrongly, when we first started Primary 6.
It was hilarious.
Cause some of them had their photos attached to the form.
So you can imagine how toot they used to be when they were much younger. Lol

Of course you can imagine what's the FAQs flying around.
Mainly things like, "What are you doing now? Working/Studying?"
Things like that.

Before I reached, I was still with the mentality of wanting to catch my F4 on TV.
But when we walked out of the restaurant,
the shops were all closing already.
Then after that, some of us went elsewhere to have a drink and chat.
By the time I got home, even Guess had ended. -,-

Yup, that's how time works when you're having fun.
It flies.
So I guess we'll have to wait till the next gathering.
Which is not gonna be too long away.
Although the group may not be as large as this.
But hopefully it'll happen. Gaaaahh~

On a side note.
I'm always amazed by the quality pictures my phone can take.
But it so happens that the battery always go flat during important times.
Managed to take only a few pictures.
Which were very nice.
Too bad I can't upload to the computer due to the 1001 reasons.
)=

We'll remember all the times we had together.

Dumplings - Price List

The estimated amount spent this year in making vegetarian dumplings.

Leaves & Rice: $15
Vegetarian Ingredients: $50
Gas: $15
Water used: $5
Miscellaneous: $10
Effort & Time: Priceless

There you go.
Obviously my mum's the one making them.
I was only the assistant.
Heh (=

Someone once told me,
"If its something that can be solved with money,
then it won't be too much of a problem."

Come Come Paradise

After I came back home.
Life's been plenty bored.
My mum's laptop's pretty slow.
Play game super lag.
My PS in my cousin's house.
Hai, suddenly I can't wait for school to start.
25th's the orientation.
29th's the first day.
JUNE!!
One more month!!
Zzzzomg!!

My Wanna-Do List:
Movies!!
Da Vinci The Genius!!
Badminton!!

But what to do?
I'm the only god-damn-free person around.
For now.

To the world, I may be the most impatient person.
To you, I can be the world's most patient one.

Statistics

Lets do some counting.

Today I went to pay my first installment for my tuition fees.
It took me about 1.5 hours to get there.
Due to the bloody waiting time for buses to arrive.
It cost me $1.50 for the journey.
It'll cost me $60 bucks per month on transportation.
If you don't count me going elsewhere besides to and fro school and home.

Then I went to pay the fees.
The first installment was $*,***.
The GST was $***.
The total GST amounts to $*,***.
Like WTF!!

Ok, the end.
I'll vomit more blood if I continue.

The saddest part wasn't the fact that you broke my heart.
It was the fact that you didn't know you broke my heart.

I will not be Me without You

Although I love to grumble but I do realise all the good things that happened to me.
And all the good things/people that are around me.

I'll be studying (again) soon.
Psychology.
Something that everyone will ask why I want to study.
No doubt, my mum and my bro asked bout it too.
Although they did ask why is it so expensive to study there,
But they are pretty supportive.
My dad too, yea..
My brother agreed to be my guarantor, and help me return part of the loan.
Although in the end I decided not to get bank loan (due to other reasons).
My dad, totally don't know what the hell I'm studying.
Don't know bout my results or anything.
Told me that he'll help pay my fees.
He supports me in his way.
My mum, totally support me all the way!
I don't think she really understood what I've been studying for the past 3 years.
Only know I study computer stuff.
But she still support me to study what I want.
Even though she knows my results aren't the super good kind.
Just cause I told her its what I want.
And the local Unis all rejected me.
I told myself I will not bow down to circumstances that do not allow me to do the things I want.
But seriously, without my mum to support me I will still have to.
My stubbornness and pride.
I'm lucky aren't I?

You who saw this post have one responsibility.
If one day, I stray from my path.
If one day, I do things that let these people down.
Give me one tight slap in the face.

Yes, I am god damn worried about the path I'm gonna walk down.
But I can't be worrying about everything and stay at the same place forever.
(Psycho-s myself ><)

On a side note.
Something good happened.
Because of something that I did a little while before.
Because of something that accidentally happened a little little while before.
Whether is it god, or fate, or whatever you call/believe.
It was simple, amazing, and sweet. (=

I don't think it was wrong for me to miss you.
I don't think ist was wrong for me to wanna see you.
I don't think it was wrong for me to be nice to you.
There is nothing wrong with me falling in love with you.
I think.

What Now?

Okay, after sometime, I'm back here again.
Actually I wasn't really away, just that now people can see this again.
My dashboard has like don't know how many blogs already.
My joyce-is-me's sister blogs, heh.

Have been doing nothing since after the trip to Genting.
Its been more than 2 months already.
No job, no nothing.
Spent some of my time at my cousin's.
For the past month, haven't been home.
But its been good.
I haven't been exactly missing home.
Everyone's asking me about that, so here you go, haha.
Have been going back to MY pretty frequently too.
This weekend I'm also going back, again.
Although I just came back on Tuesday.

Starting school next month.
James Cook University, Bachelor of Psychology.
I should be feeling excited, but then.. Heh

One last thing.
I absolutely detest people who breaks promises.
If you broke me one, you're out of my list, permanently.
If you can't keep it, then don't make it.
Fuck you!
Friends are family we choose for ourselves, fortunately.
But come on, you know I treat my friends well, right?
Heh =P

Should I go on?
Or should I give up?
But I haven't even started anything.
x,x